Carrie Prejean

Carrie Prejean

Hey World! Carrie Prejean Is Desperate For Your Attention Again! Ugh! But now Carrie Prejean is back! We can have a pretty girl being awful again! Hooray! This time Carrie Prejean has decided to be awful by suing the Miss USA organisers, claiming that they fired her because of her crackpot anti-gay beliefs instead of not doing anything she was told to. Carrie Prejean is suing for an undisclosed amount and – on the off-chance that she’ll spend it all on a house far away from all of humanity – we hope she wins.

This is true. Just look at the last Miss Universe competition. Carrie Prejean didn’t take part in it, and what was the most exciting thing that happened? Heidi Montag flailing around like a damp Britney Spears impersonator being tasered by a kind-hearted policeman, that’s what. But if Carrie Prejean had been in Miss Universe, it would have been a ball – maybe she’d have repeated her statement about how gay marriage was icky and wrong. Or maybe she’d have aced the Write A Threatening And Badly-Spelt Email To Your Superior round. Or maybe she’d have just got naked again.

The sad truth is, we’ll never know. We’ll never know because Carrie Prejean was sacked as Miss California precisely because of her spectacularly misjudged efforts to win over the audience by declaring gay marriage to be wrong and immoral, without realising that gay men are the only people who watch beauty contests now that the internet has started doing porn for free. At least that’s what Carrie Prejean says. And she’s suing the Miss USA organisers for their discriminatory behaviour towards her just because she happened to exercise free speech and tell all gay people that they made her want to throw up into a bucket, or whatever.